Decrepit Old Man Assures Canada That Harper is “Rockin’”
Wait, dull is not the word I want to use. What’s the proper term used to describe a feeling of embaressment, to the point of nausea, for a man who doesn’t have the sense to be embaressed for himself?? Because that’s how I felt reading this article, and that’s how I feel whenever I conjur up the image of Stephen Harper pushing his belly into a photo-opp with Chad Kroeger of Nickleback, wrapping an arm around the greasy national pariah who was once the toast of the 2001 Juno awards.
But don’t stop there! Stephen Harper was also photographed with Bryan Adams! You might know him as the rock star behind your Mum’s vacumming music. Steve’s no stick-in-the-mud, he might not be able to skate what with his centre of gravity being two feet from his spine and all, but knows all about the Vancouver Millionaires upset in the 1918 Stanley Cup playoffs, and the folks on the Hill say he’s funnier then Jay Leno! Did you hear the one about birth control and maternal health being two totally seperate issues? What a knee slapper!
There is nothing wrong with a politician being uncool. Most politicians are uncool, that’s why they look for self-assurance in politics. The worst thing a politician can do for his image is try to to roll with the kids, particularly when he invites cameras to document the hiddeousness of it all for posterity. Harper may not want to be thought of as an old curmudgeon, but now I’m inclined to think of him as a government version of the mom from Mean Girls “There are nooo rules here, I’m not a regular PM, I’m a cool PM. So… what are all you guys listening to? What is the hot gossip?” Coolness comes in many forms, but whatever the form it must be effortless, and until Harper’s aides teach him to jump and giggle when he’s poked in the belly, I’m not laughing. Oh, and writers at the Globe and Mail should stray away from articles on coolness and focus on topics they are more familiar with. You know, like what a nickel could buy you in 1952.