Noami Campbell, you see, is a modern day Beelzebub. A devil’s familiar, if you will. She is a fly on a dungheap. A worm in a carcass. She sucks the very teet of evil, and it brings her strength. Twice now she has flaunted her sadistic ways to British GQ. First with Hugo Chavez, when Naomi first put on her journalist’s cap (double brim, Sherlock Holmes style, with strands of weave falling attractively below) in 2008. She took one sniff of him, and then she began to feed.
First she asked Chavez if he would ever go topless, like Putin. ‘Why not?’ he responded ‘Touch my muscles.Then she asked him who he considered the most stylish world leader. ‘Fidel of course! His uniform is impeccable. His boots are polished, his beard is elegant.’ She then went on to actually ask him some political questions, and she lets him go on and on about how the Americans are all just praying for a good genocide. This year, Noami must have been in need of a really good feeding, because she pushes all political questions aside and just goes for the meat. Almost literally. After reading this article I honestly feel like I just watched a supermodel fellate a dictator. Possibly for diamonds. Here’s a snippit:
Naomi Campbell: You’re in pretty good physical shape. How do you manage to keep yourself so fit?
Vladimir Putin: Probably the same way you do.
Actually, I don’t work out as much as I should, but I do believe that it’s a healthy mind as well as a healthy body that keeps me fit, sound and calm.
Exactly. You just answered your own question.
What’s your fitness regime?
I go to the gym, I swim daily and from time to time I meet with friends and do extra-curricular stuff. I had a good work-out just the day before yesterday.
The rest of the interview is here. For those of you who want to skip straight to the money shot. Here’ Putin talking about how he subdued a wild tiger. Yes. And then he goes from hunter to midwife delivers it’s tiger cubs, basically.
I was hoping to see a tiger on stage today. Actually, I’m hoping to see a white bear as I’ve lived in Russia for two years. I know you’ve come face to face with a tiger in the wild – how does that feel?
It felt good for me, but not all of my Russian colleagues felt the same way. When I came to the reserve, a tiger was caught in a special trap, which was designed especially not to hurt the animal but to enable them to study it. The reporters from the Russian station Channel One were there to broadcast the story and were sitting opposite the tiger in the trap. But the tiger was smart, and as soon as the cameras started rolling, he stuck his paw through the trap. You could say the reporters were afraid. We later managed to trap the tiger, so we put it to sleep with a tranquiliser and the scientists managed to do what they had to do, took a sample of blood and even put a special collar on to track it. It turned out it was a female tiger and blood sample analysis showed that she was pregnant. Shortly after that, we got pictures from video cameras that were hidden in the woods, which showed the same female tiger with two cubs. So I had the very best impressions of tigers in the wild.
Have we seen Putin’s moobs recently?
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