Grumble Grumble Grumble DEBATES
What is the hallmark of any democratic election process?
….. Casual slacks. After that, I’d probably say either wearing a hard hat to make a point about industry, or allowing some strange kid to wipe his nose on your sweater during a press conference. After that there is pretending to like immigrants in the city, while reminding people in the country that they are the only Real Canadians, then you’ve got Jr. hockey, then you need your barely literate attack ads and well… somewhere down the road you’re also going to have to have a debate. I know, it’s a bummer, but the people seem to expect it. You are, however, allowed to whine about it. No debate should ever just happen, the candidates should bitch about it as much as possible in advance to ensure that voters become so tired of their voices that no one tunes in to the actual debate. With only two days to go before the French language debate (yes, it was originally schedualled for Thursday, but then got bumped for a Habs game, naturally) let’s take a look at what our candidates are grumbling about.
Stephen Harper is grumbling because he suggested having a one on one debate with Ignatieff, and Ignatieff agreed to it. Thing is, Stephen Harper is not really a huge fan of debates at all because, well, he hates media of all sorts firstly, but a one on one debate wouldn’t even provide him with the shield of Jack Layton being a dumbass and Gilles Ducepp’s sad fish face, which make him look all kinds of smart and sexy in comparison. He took back the idea, and Ignatieff is grumbling about that.
Jack Layton is grumbling at the mere suggestion of a debate without his rosy visage making love to the camera, and declares that it’s undemocratic. “You think this is undemocratic, Canada!” he said, his eyes boring into the camera lens. “You want more, you want a Third Option, for Working Canadian Families.” He took a breath, and seeing himself reflected in the single black eye, he smiled. “This Spring, You Want Jack Layton and the NDP to Hold Parliament Accountable. On May 3rd, You’re Voting for Change.” Then his eyes twinkled and he licked his lips in invitation. Gilles Ducepp also bitched about a one on one debate, although we’re not entirely sure why. This is the dude who, despite being a raging separatist, is invited even to the English language debates. When he’s there he just sort of slumps over the seat, fly open, and occasionally shoots spit balls across the table. Then we come to Elizabeth May.
This biddy didn’t even get invited to the debates, so I’m going to say that her grumbling is possibly, maybe, sort of, warranted. I don’t understand why we can’t have Elizabeth May, who employs both an international awareness and a rich vocabulary in her arguments (did you know one of the first words she said in the 2008 debates was “buttress”?) was left out, but for some reason the CBC has to subject us to Jack Layton jumping up and down like a fucking jack rustle terrier when the adults are talking. Also, May wants to legalise pot. Whhhoooaaa controversy! CBC, you don’t want to jump on that? No? Not at all? You don’t think it would be nice to forget about fighter jets and slumpy economies and have a nice conversation about pot for a change?
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About the Site
Polonoscopy is a site devoted to political fluff. While I do appreciate that there are important issues out there… with respect… eh… don’t really care. Not here anyway, not now, that is not what Polonoscopy is about. Fluff. It’s all about image and perception in politics. Rather than vote for someone based on a record of public service and commitment to the meaningful issues of the day, wouldn’t you rather vote for someone who’s personality seems similar if only slightly more impressive then your own? Of course, we all would.