Hate Canadian Politics? Watch This Dude Watch Porn.
There are 14 more days until Canadians officially go to the polls. If Polonoscopy was a small business, then this time would be kind of like Christmas for me. Normally I’m just a humble purveyor of the most perverted political insights, with a small but loyal clientele. During election season it’s different; I get street traffic. Which is to say, I am a mysterious link people accidentally click on after they’ve preformed a Google search that’s far too broad, and I like it. This is why I’ve been so focused on the Canadian Election lately, so I can lure these lost children into my internet home, indoctrinate them with my views and hope they never escape. That’s just good business.
For my loyal readers, however, I’m going to spice it up a bit today. Spice it up like a fresh Sumatra chilli spices up a bowl of Nasi goreng! That’s right friends, today we’re going to Indonesia! And when we get there, we’re going to talk about porno! Mainly, this little fat guy’s love of watching naked daughters and moms bump parts to feed their families and/or drug addictions while he’s sitting in the Indonesian House of Commons. This is the same little fat guy who sponsered a bill which made viewing pornography illegal, with prison terms of up to 15 years. His name is Arifinto, by the way. No first name, no last name, just Arifinto. That’s likely because he’s a terrifying diva, like Madonna or Prince or Healthcliff.
The balls on this guy, I mean really. It’s not just that he is a massive hypocrite, and engaged in activities that he insisted become illegal, it’s that he did it in the House of Commons. He did it in a crowd of people! He did it while barely coving the image with a flimsy piece of paper, I mean does he not understand the concept of balconies? I can only conclude that this dude secretly hated politics and wanted to go out in flames. So many flames that the whole world was forced to take notice, asking themselves first “is this guy the biggest idiot ever?” before marvelling “Isn’t this hilarious?I’m actually paying attention to politics in Indonesia!”
I don’t profess to be an expert on pornography, but a fundamental part of my limited understanding was that it is meant to be enjoyed in private. Do people (I was about to write “men” but then I thought, NO. There will be no gender normative stereotypes here! I, like a sweet and wholesome advertisement for J-Crew, am part of the progressive revolution) really sit in crowded meetings and think “this shit is dull, I’m going to watch some porn”. If this is the case, I feel as though this could cause some serious problems. Like being a disrespectful listener, or distracting your coworkers, or … oh I don’t know… masturbating in public! But then, perhaps I just don’t understand. I don’t understand a single fucking thing about this story. Unless… unless of course, he did it because prison is an excellent place to enjoy masturbation and a lack of privacy. By god I think I’ve cracked it.
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About the Site
Polonoscopy is a site devoted to political fluff. While I do appreciate that there are important issues out there… with respect… eh… don’t really care. Not here anyway, not now, that is not what Polonoscopy is about. Fluff. It’s all about image and perception in politics. Rather than vote for someone based on a record of public service and commitment to the meaningful issues of the day, wouldn’t you rather vote for someone who’s personality seems similar if only slightly more impressive then your own? Of course, we all would.