Another Kennedy Woman Gets Treated Like Shit

Posted by Mika on May 17, 2011 in American politics, Sex Scandals, State Politics | 3 comments

Earlier this week, Maria Shriver announced that she and former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger (I feel the need to add the title, because…. well… if it’s not political then I’m just a gossip) were splitting up. This morning, we find out that he was boning the housekeeper (or something) and knocked her up ten years ago. Maria Shriver knew, and waited until both her parents died and her husband’s term was up, before leaving him. Did I mention, that this whole time, the housekeeper was still working for them? For ten years, Schwarzenegger’s mistress/baby-mama, continued to dust Maria Shriver’s mantelpiece, air out her drawing room, and fold her unmentionables, before returning home to raise the Governor’s bastard child. It’s all very like a Victorian novel, except I imagine a wealthy rake won’t arrive from abroad to tame the eldest daughter’s wild heart. Oh, also, the Governor in question is Arnold Schwarzenegger. You might remember him as the hilarious foreign meat head from such classics as “Kindergarten Cop” and “Twins”.

This must be the greatest shame for Shriver. I mean, I might be upset about being cheated on because I worry about my happiness and dignity, but Kennedy women are trained to rise above these petty matters and be the woman behind the great man. Maria Shriver settled for being the woman behind a boob-honking, steroid monkey who went from starring in “Jingle All the Way” to being one of California’s most unpopular governors. In 2003, when Schwarzenegger was running for office, and the “grope investigation” was underway, Maria Shriver could barely defend the man she was married to. At the time, dozens of people were coming out to the press about Schwarzenegger’s the long history of sexual harassment. The original article from the L.A Times is here. I warn you, don’t read it where someone can see your facial expression, because it’s sort of gross. Imagine how a horny 14 year old would act if he had a juiced up body, a paycheck for his work in Batman and Robin and people were walking around with lady parts. At the time, Maria Shriver “defended him” while also admitting that the allegations make sense because he has a lot of testosterone in his body. Basically, she said “he didn’t touch any boobs HIMSELF, it’s the illegal drugs he’s taking, they’re the gropers”. A few days later, he was elected.

Unlike his peers in the IMF, Arnold’s sexual misconducts will barely effect any future career he bothers putting together. This is because he is a hilarious baffoon and everything involving him is funny when you do it in his voice. See the above meme I found on The Superficial and then proceeded to repost like an insensitive bitch.  When contacted to comment, Mr. Schwarzenegger told Polonoscopy that he takes full responsibility for his actions, but cannot regret impregnating his employee. He added that when Danny Devito impregnated him in Junior, the experience was both eye-opening and hilarious.

Edit:

They found her.  They found her and her Arnold spawn. Rader online found her myspace account, they found her picture and…. BEHOLD

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