Election year? Unfreeze the Semen.
According to opinion polls, the 2012 election is beginning to look bleak for France’s impish ruler. It doesn’t seem to matter that Lagarde has been promoted to IMF chair, and that Strauss-Kahn is facing – yes, still facing – sexual assault charges, the French are over Sarkozy. They’re over his jogging misadventures, over his platform shoes, over his botoxed wife, they might even be over his penchant for fire-hosing immigrants out of Paris suburbs. The French seem to not give half a shit who becomes president, as long as it’s not Sarkozy.
So Sarkozy has responded in the only way he understands – by showing the world what his penis can do. Years ago he bought himself a former supermodel to wear tight suits and paw at him now and again, but this year he needs to do something even cooler with that thing. Is there any better way to say “I have lots of unprotected sex” then to make a baby? Of course not.
Now, Sarkozy is around 56 years old, and his wife is a modest 43. I don’t think these two even bump parts without the help of viagra, an inhaler and a paper bag. They also have three children between them, none of whom seem to interest them that much. Some people would say the last thing these two need is a baby, but these people are only using their brains, and to them I say “shame”. Don’t you want to see Carla accessorize with a Hermes baby blankie? Don’t you want to gaze upon the ruby pacifier that will hang between the child’s lips as Carla modestly talks about her journey to lose the baby weight? Don’t you want to see the royal scepter that Sarkozy himself will bequeath to his prince, come his 21st name day? This is the stuff that great
magazine stories presidencies are made of!