Tone Up with Hugo
In case you hadn’t heard, Hugo Chavez has had a bit of a cancer issue for a while. I say “a bit of a cancer issue” like it’s nothing, because in my experience, communist dictators are a bit like roaches. They can survive nuclear explosions, assassination attempts, Naomi Campbell, and in the case of Fidel Castro, pooping into their own stomach. Dictators also fucking love working out… usually with cameras. So the next time you see Vladamir Putin thrust out his man-tits like they’re something special, please try to remember that Lincoln was puny, Churchill was feeble, and MacDonald puked up vodka on the regular. These are the real heroes.
The president’s recovery time would have been a perfect opportunity for Venezuela’s newly merged opposition to gain some traction with the public. After all, one could only assume that when the president got sick, he stepped back a little. Maybe he delegated some dispersed responsibilities, maybe some other names would come up on the news. This would be a silly assumption to make in Hugo Chavez’s Venezuela. Cancer or no, Hugo Chavez owns the media, and he will not have that “other people” shit, he will not have it. Especially when he still so fit and so tough.
To prove it, Chavez has filmed a workout video. Actually. I like to call it “Chavezersise: Show the People that You’re Still Conscious in 8 Easy Steps”. It’s not on YouTube yet, but here is a link to the Reuters story via Rawstory.com
Obviously, this video leaves no question about how fit Chevez is to rule an oil rich nation of 30 million. Would an election loser be able to walk around in a circle with his cabinet ministers? Would an unfit man be able to curl his fist together and bicep curl the air? Would a non-statesman be able to shuffle back and forth like a fat kid with a full bladder? Of course not, you puny capitalist weasel. In the video, apparently, Chavez talks about the virtues of excersise while he stalwartly bobs his head back and forth. He warns his oppositon not to count him out of the election by scunching up his face and dead-lifting nothing. He is the only man to rule Venezuela, and he can lift his leg up a little bit to prove it.