Silvio Berlusconi Can’t Keep His Face Hole Shut….
Last week news outlets were reporting that Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi had been caught on tape saying something “unprintable” about German Councillor Angela Merkel. This came as a bit of a surprise to me because, well, is there anything we could learn about Silvio Berlusconi at this point that would be unprintable? His reputation in the media before this incident was basically – and I’m paraphrasing- fascist rapist mobster tyrant corrupt money-laundering John asshole, using state money to wet his herpes stick in 14 year old indentured prostitutes while controlling the media. I think the damage is out there. The difference now, however, is not what he said, but who he said it about.
Silvio Berlusconi, whose country has gone from robust economy to sink-hole of failure under his tyrannous syphilis whore watch, has decided to call Angela Merkel, world-beloved, democratic, leader of one of the most successful economies in the world, the ATM of Europe, the pincher of the purse-strings, an “unfuckable lard ass”.
Yes. He did.
I don’t know where to even fucking start. I guess I could go with obvious and say that Silvio Burlusconi is in no place to call someone fat and unfuckable. He is, frankly, tubby as shit. I’m not saying that he’s merely corpulant with greed in the metaphorical sense, I’m saying that if his ass isn’t full of lard,( and indeed, I’m sure he thinks it’s full of pure, man, hard, dick, strong, muscle) than whatever it is, it has learned to camaflage itself by taking on the consistancy of flubber. (I don’t know if anyone here still watches Disney movies from the 60s, but FYI, Flubber is like jello, but ALIVE!!)
Then I’d like to point out that Angela Merkel has a husband, who I’m sure has sex with her often (I mean… those juggs) and for free. That’s right, Silvio, who was the last person to fuck you without expecting jewlery/a tv show/a passport/a cabinet seat/ cash money/to not getting beaten by her pimp tonight?
Finally, I’d just like to say that I would fuck Angela Merkel. Yes. I would fuck the shit out of Angela Merkel because I AM ATTRACTED TO TALENT. Not only would I do her, but I would tell people about it. And they would high-five me, Silvio… they would high-five me so hard. When was the last time someone high-fived you? Oh, what’s that? No one high fives you because they know where your hands have been? Yeah. I thought so.
Silvio, may feel awesome because every now and then, you take that poxed, decaying flesh between your legs, fix it up with some Viagra, duct-tape and a popsicle stick, then purchase some poor, exploited women for the night so you can call yourself a loathario, but Angela Merkel is a woman of substance. She is also a woman of means, in the international sense of the term, and you really need her. I know she’ll give Italy the money it needs regardless of whatever nasty shit you say, because she is a class act, but I hope she makes you beg. I hope she makes you look beg and dance and lick her feet because she is more successful, more powerful and yes, more fuckable than you.