The news has broken…
Only hours ago, an important chapter of international current affairs came to a dramatic close. After months of anticipation, it was finally confirmed that a small child has indeed clawed it’s way through, what I’m assuming was Carla Bruni’s surgically tightened vagina.
Sarkozy has gone on the record briefly to say that they are “profoundly happy” about their daughter, even though they both previously went on the record to say that they wanted a boy, because they are classy like that.
Bruni and Sarkozy are being surprisingly low key about the bitch, and newspapers the world over (a good article is here) are throwing out ideas as to why that may be. One theory is that Sarkozy reads his own opinion polls, and found out that while he thinks he’s a statesman/intellectual/love/fighter/baller, most people actually think he’s an egotistical little weenie. Why court the press when no one is buying what you’re selling? The other theory is that the Sarkozy’s want to protect their daughter from the overzealous British tabloid press.
I’m not on board with either of these theories.
First of all, the British press thing seems…. convenient? Too timely? It just feels like something politicians say in the wake of the Murdoch scandal. It’s a political statement, not a reason. The first theory is better, however it supposes something about Nick and Carla that we have no reason to believe is true – that they are self-aware.
Sarkozy isn’t going to apologise for his behaviour, he still thinks he’s pretty awesome. He’s been caught fame whoring enough times before, and he hasn’t changed. When he collapsed in a jogging photoshoot, we laughed, but he still kept groping his wife in public. When he was caught Photoshopping out his love handles in a bathsuit photo, we scoffed, but he continued to wear lifts and stand on his tip-toes when he was being photographed with taller world leaders. The man is vain and proud and he doesn’t notice that you think he’s ridiculous.
In case you’d forgotten, this baby was planned over two years ago to maximize publicity before the election. Nothing has changed for these people. The only thing that took the bloom off their plans is that the Camerons pooped one out first.
So what’s my theory? My theory is that this baby is a private, family affair… until Carla loses the baby weight. Give it three months, then we’ll be seeing this baby.