Vladimir Putin stole the election and I’m glad!
Yeah, you heard me, GLAD! Please, allow me to explain…
A while back (and by that, I mean soooo long ago. This story has been sitting in drafts for a while..yeeeeah) Vladimir Putin almost certainly rigged the Russian presidential election so his floppy man-tits could have an extra eight years of blueberry-hill-singing, hymen-popping, journalist-killing good times in office. Election fraud is bad, certainly, but in this particular case I’m a little bit relieved. I’m not happy that a population of 14s million now live under a government they did not vote for, but I sure am fucking glad they didn’t vote for this:
I’m glad he HAD to steal the election. You know what is almost offensive than Vladimir Putin’s actions? His administration’s insistence that in Russia, not only does everyone vote for him, they also fucking worship him. Women want him, men want to be him. He’s not just an information hiding, journalist suppressing, manipulative, heartless, throat -cutting, Bashir Al-Assad loving monomaniacal monster with long reaching ambitions for evil across Eastern Europe and Asia, he is also a tiger hunting, kudo-chopping, uzzi-shooting badass that makes everyone’s vagina tickle. Am I drawing too much out of this? Does he maybe just happen to like taking his tits out on horseback and it’s everyone else who thinks sex? Watch this ad.
Vladimir Putin is so potent, so virile, that he will be deflowering ALL THE VIRGINS
Last year, Christopher Hitchens wrote a rather good piece about the anger that was fueling the Arab Spring. In the middle east, he suggested, they were not just angry about being oppressed, they were angry at being obviously, visibly and cartoonishly oppressed. If you want to steal an election, maybe you shouldn’t pretend to get 90% of the vote when 60% will do. If you want to pretend to be a populist, maybe you shouldn’t build palaces. For your 49th born son. To keep his Aston Martins in. People notice, and it gets them upset because it’s unfair, yes, but it’s also humiliating.
Articles like this offensive piece of crap I found on Cracked make the Russian nation look like this:
Isn’t it enough that he stole Russia’s freedom? Does he have to steal their dignity too?