Second Year Poli-Sci Majors Just Ate My Face
As some of you may know, I occasionally contribute to an American politics blog called The Politicizer. These occasions are usually very few and far between, as I have my own blog to hardly work on, but recently I gave them a satirical peice I wrote about Thomas Jefferson and the Tea Party because I actually thought it might be too dignified for this blog. In almost 800 words I don’t once mention bodily fluids and yes, I used spell check. I was always going to include a link on Polonoscopy because I thought it was a pretty cute piece, I figured Politicizer might like the traffic and why write something new when you can add a link to something old?? So..ummmm… here is the link: You may notice that after the link there are 17...
Read MoreObama is Looking OLD
Now that the Americans have finished off another year long wank fest and ejaculated few more Congressmen/Senators/general friends of Jesus into the womb of government (right now, the legislation is growing and growing and in nine months time, new funding for the Des Moines Botanical Centre will be born!) I want to take a moment to remind everyone that Barack Obama is still the President. To hear people talk (I don’t mean people so much as I mean hack journalists) you’d think that on November 3rd he’d been splashed with holy water by the righteous and after all the layers of arrogant socialist were washed away, only a tiny shame troll remained. To clarify for those of you who are still confused: Obama is alive and he is...
Read MoreRob Ford is Mayor of Toronto
Come children, gather ’round me rocking chair, and hear tell of a most terrible creature that once did lay claim to rule the finest city ever built. He was as tall as a man, the creature was, and wide as a barn. He was pink as a new born piglet, and round, round as a turnip. So round he was that you could not distinguish his face from his rump, where it not for two black beady eyes, fighting to peak out at the world from under the moist layers of pink flesh. He was born of no womb, children, but crawled out from the depth of a Wendy’s deep-fryer and, slick with lard, suckled the teat of a kindhearted frosty machine till he was grown. His voice, children, was high as high could be, for each of his legs were think as the base...
Read MoreI Bring You Gifts From the Internet
I enjoy American politics as much as the next person. I do, I enjoy their sensationalist news channels and their fake populist movements, and I enjoy that Christine O’Donnell has publicly campaigned against masturbation because according to her it’s the root of all evil, but in this picture, she is clearly encouraging whomever is working the remote on her vibrating panties. I think it’s all good fun, really I do, but clearly I don’t enjoy it as much some people. Americans have some kind of national election once every two years. Once every two years, that’s three times as often as the French. Get over it already! Is there not enough news in the world that American news networks need to spend 12-18 months...
Read MoreFun With Photoshop
On July 16, 1966, a time when infighting within the Communist Party of China was at it’s height, after the disaster of the Great Leap Forward, the People’s Daily released a photo of Chairman Mao swimming the Yangtze River. The photo was taken to prove that Mao was still a youthful and vigorous leader, capable of feats of strength even at age 72. Never the type to quit while they’re ahead, along with the photograph the People’s Daily reported that the rotund Chairman swam nearly 15 km in 65 minutes, which would have been a world record pace at the time. Now, Mao was known to be quite the swimmer in his youth, no one would argue with that, but that photo next to that inflated distance was just too much for some...
Read MoreAbout the Site
Polonoscopy is a site devoted to political fluff. While I do appreciate that there are important issues out there… with respect… eh… don’t really care. Not here anyway, not now, that is not what Polonoscopy is about. Fluff. It’s all about image and perception in politics. Rather than vote for someone based on a record of public service and commitment to the meaningful issues of the day, wouldn’t you rather vote for someone who’s personality seems similar if only slightly more impressive then your own? Of course, we all would.