Nelson Mandela’s Grandchildren are American Famewhores
In politics, and in life in general, there are very few things everyone can agree on. For example, I hear it told that some people question the existence of global warming, or evolution. Also, some people out there are still serving vanilla cakes on special occasions. They know chocolate exists, but they pick vanilla, and then they put it in their mouths. It’s ludicrous, and I don’t know why we let them vote but nevertheless… nevertheless, there one thing, one person in the world that everyone everyone loves: Nelson Mandela. If you ignore Thatcher and Regan (who are still pretty sure he’s a terrorist) and a handful of white colonials who benefited from apartheid while they hunted endangered rhino with the chaps...
Read MoreSilvio Berlusconi Can’t Keep His Face Hole Shut….
… because he’s a human shit-stain. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Last week news outlets were reporting that Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi had been caught on tape saying something “unprintable” about German Councillor Angela Merkel. This came as a bit of a surprise to me because, well, is there anything we could learn about Silvio Berlusconi at this point that would be unprintable? His reputation in the media before this incident was basically – and I’m paraphrasing- fascist rapist mobster tyrant corrupt money-laundering John asshole, using state money to wet his herpes stick in 14 year old indentured prostitutes while controlling the media. I think the damage is out there. The...
Read MoreCondi Rice is Basically a Punch Line Now
Dick Cheney’s is the latest political autobiography to become a best seller, and critics are abuzz because apparently, this book tears the rug off of a long protected secret. Apperently, Dick Cheney is….. wait for it…. an asshole. I know what you’re thinking…. if only there had been some sort of a sign…. I haven’t actually read the book. I have found there are cheaper ways to acquaint myself with barely coherent conspiracy theories and baldly offensive historical revisionism. I could, for example, give a homeless man a quarter, or go onto internet and read anything. The Daily Mail, however, has been kind enough to give me a few quotes from his book, so let’s dig into those… In Mr Cheney’s...
Read MoreJack Layton: A tribute and a farewell
Jack Layton died this morning. He was 61. I feel genuinely sad. I know what you’re thinking- how can you feel sad? Your blog is basically a dirty laundry list of every time Jack Layton was a dick to you. I know. Every interaction I’ve ever had with the man has been negative, but I loved them. They were my favourite stories, and if you’ve ever spent more than 10 minutes with me, I’m sure you’ve heard them all. It seems impossible to think that Jack and I will never meet again. Jack Layton was a hack, a schmuck, and he let his dog poop on a patio once, but he was one of the good ones. He respected the democratic process, he was consistently committed to what he was doing, and I think he really did want to make people’s lives...
Read MoreTone Up with Hugo
In case you hadn’t heard, Hugo Chavez has had a bit of a cancer issue for a while. I say “a bit of a cancer issue” like it’s nothing, because in my experience, communist dictators are a bit like roaches. They can survive nuclear explosions, assassination attempts, Naomi Campbell, and in the case of Fidel Castro, pooping into their own stomach. Dictators also fucking love working out… usually with cameras. So the next time you see Vladamir Putin thrust out his man-tits like they’re something special, please try to remember that Lincoln was puny, Churchill was feeble, and MacDonald puked up vodka on the regular. These are the real heroes. The president’s recovery time would have been a perfect...
Read MoreAbout the Site
Polonoscopy is a site devoted to political fluff. While I do appreciate that there are important issues out there… with respect… eh… don’t really care. Not here anyway, not now, that is not what Polonoscopy is about. Fluff. It’s all about image and perception in politics. Rather than vote for someone based on a record of public service and commitment to the meaningful issues of the day, wouldn’t you rather vote for someone who’s personality seems similar if only slightly more impressive then your own? Of course, we all would.