David Cameron, Your Friends are Slimeballs
In 2010, in the aftermath of the British election, the papers were all aglow with a story about David Cameron forming a coalition government with Nick Clegg over dinner. David, a terribly down-to-earth dad who might just be prime minister if only he could just get all these political nabby pambies sorted out, knew he needed Nick, so he did the only thing he could. He set the kitchen table, rolled his sleeves up, put marinated some pork and roasted it all with some veg. Then Nick Clark came over and Sam leaned against the counter casually and opened a bottle of white for them all. Then they formed a government, all while David stirred the gravy and the kids ran in and out of the kitchen like monkeys. How sensible! How...
Read MoreElection year? Unfreeze the Semen.
According to opinion polls, the 2012 election is beginning to look bleak for France’s impish ruler. It doesn’t seem to matter that Lagarde has been promoted to IMF chair, and that Strauss-Kahn is facing – yes, still facing – sexual assault charges, the French are over Sarkozy. They’re over his jogging misadventures, over his platform shoes, over his botoxed wife, they might even be over his penchant for fire-hosing immigrants out of Paris suburbs. The French seem to not give half a shit who becomes president, as long as it’s not Sarkozy. So Sarkozy has responded in the only way he understands – by showing the world what his penis can do. Years ago he bought himself a former supermodel to wear...
Read MoreAnother Kennedy Woman Gets Treated Like Shit
Earlier this week, Maria Shriver announced that she and former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger (I feel the need to add the title, because…. well… if it’s not political then I’m just a gossip) were splitting up. This morning, we find out that he was boning the housekeeper (or something) and knocked her up ten years ago. Maria Shriver knew, and waited until both her parents died and her husband’s term was up, before leaving him. Did I mention, that this whole time, the housekeeper was still working for them? For ten years, Schwarzenegger’s mistress/baby-mama, continued to dust Maria Shriver’s mantelpiece, air out her drawing room, and fold her unmentionables, before returning home to...
Read MoreDemocracy is Annoying, Now Suck It Up and Vote
The election process is almost over. You’ve seen the attack ads (probably), you’ve watched the debates (probably not), you’ve smacked a cocky, 20-year-old hack canvasser in the face (I certainly hope so) and today is the day all that bullshit is going to pay off. Today, you get to take a short to medium walk, stand in line, flash some i.d to a half-blind, elderly volunteer, put an x on a sheet of paper and then smoosh it into a cardboard box. Boom. Democracy. But some people don’t take part in this magical process. This is either because they are too busy eating cheetos or because they think that democracy has been twisted into a slobbering, ugly, self-aggrandizing, underachieving version of its former self. But...
Read MoreNew, Harper-Approved Political Compass!!
Election day is tomorrow!!! While some of us are died-in-the-wool political hacks who not only know who we’ll be voting for, but who we’re going to shower in righteous spittle on our way to the polls, the rest of you might need the Political Compass. The Political Compass was invited by the well meaning folks at the CBC to help voters discover the political party that most aligns with their personal values….or was it? According to fine publications such as the Toronto Sun, the CBC is actually staffed by a bunch of latte-sipping Chretien-ites who want to trick you into voting for The Coalition so they can keep you and your family on the elite gravy train merry-go-round. Luckily, we at Polonoscopy have exclusive access...
Read MoreAbout the Site
Polonoscopy is a site devoted to political fluff. While I do appreciate that there are important issues out there… with respect… eh… don’t really care. Not here anyway, not now, that is not what Polonoscopy is about. Fluff. It’s all about image and perception in politics. Rather than vote for someone based on a record of public service and commitment to the meaningful issues of the day, wouldn’t you rather vote for someone who’s personality seems similar if only slightly more impressive then your own? Of course, we all would.