What the Fuck is Wrong with Ann Romney?
Americans, in an election year, (and, you know, not in an election year) are pretty bat-shit fucking insane. Bat-shit to a level of bat-shittery, where I don’t really bother anymore because seriously, what can I write that is as farcically stupid as the truth? Sometimes, when I’m reading about American politics – in actual, serious, respected publications – I need to just stop and lay down. Just to let it all wash over me. Then, when I wake up, I look at my hands to see if they’ve been replaced with deadly razor flippers. Then I look out the window to see if we suddenly have two suns setting across the sand dunes, because honestly, becoming a deadly flipper-monster on the planet Tatooine makes about...
Read MoreBest of 2011: Governor Arnold’s Love-Child with the Housekeeper
I’ve tried to blog as little as possible about American politics this year. Not because I don’t enjoy them…I do, A LOT; but because that shit gets played to death. I’m also finding more and more that, with even the most ludicrous stories, Americans always find a way to take it way too seriously. They can be funsuckers, those guys. One event that was pure fun was the unveiling of Arnold Swarzenegger’s love child. Ten years ago, Arnold, a loveable lug known for his roles in Pumping Iron and that one movie where Danny Devito knocks him up, bumped parts with a saucy little number named Mildred Patricia Baena. Patty, as she was affectionately known by Arnold’s wife, was working as a housekeeper in the...
Read MoreCondi Rice is Basically a Punch Line Now
Dick Cheney’s is the latest political autobiography to become a best seller, and critics are abuzz because apparently, this book tears the rug off of a long protected secret. Apperently, Dick Cheney is….. wait for it…. an asshole. I know what you’re thinking…. if only there had been some sort of a sign…. I haven’t actually read the book. I have found there are cheaper ways to acquaint myself with barely coherent conspiracy theories and baldly offensive historical revisionism. I could, for example, give a homeless man a quarter, or go onto internet and read anything. The Daily Mail, however, has been kind enough to give me a few quotes from his book, so let’s dig into those… In Mr Cheney’s...
Read MoreAnother Kennedy Woman Gets Treated Like Shit
Earlier this week, Maria Shriver announced that she and former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger (I feel the need to add the title, because…. well… if it’s not political then I’m just a gossip) were splitting up. This morning, we find out that he was boning the housekeeper (or something) and knocked her up ten years ago. Maria Shriver knew, and waited until both her parents died and her husband’s term was up, before leaving him. Did I mention, that this whole time, the housekeeper was still working for them? For ten years, Schwarzenegger’s mistress/baby-mama, continued to dust Maria Shriver’s mantelpiece, air out her drawing room, and fold her unmentionables, before returning home to...
Read MoreAAHHHHH PUPPIES!!!!!
So nothing has happened in politics recently (well, obviously something happened, but I mean nothing good). Parliaments and Congresses and Diets around the world are still on their extended holidays and everyone is trying to make a virtue of sitting in Tim Hortons (or Dunkin’ Donuts, or Costa Coffee or whatever brand of weak, barely roasted, over-caffeinated sludge your nation proudly embraces as a unique part or their culture) chatting with the locals. I use the word “chatting” lightly, in a way that really means, blowing smoke up your own ass while the next guy tries to get a word in edgewise and then patting yourself on the back for the meaningful connection you just made. Jack Layton knows what I’m talking...
Read MoreBest of 2010: Sarah Palin Stripper Contest
Crap. It’s the 31st and I’ve not completed my very short list of things to do for this website. The first thing was my top ten list of the best of 2010; I’ve completed two things off that list. I was also supposed to get to 100 posts. This is 98, and frankly, I’m losing steam. I’ve been really busy ok?? No I haven’t left my parents house for the last week, but I’ve still been busy. I’ll have you know…. there is a puppy involved. I’ve been trying to make a lot of new content about my top ten, writing some fresh things about my favourites from the year, despite any top ten list being a thinly veiled excuse to direct readers to content that has already been written even though...
Read MoreAbout the Site
Polonoscopy is a site devoted to political fluff. While I do appreciate that there are important issues out there… with respect… eh… don’t really care. Not here anyway, not now, that is not what Polonoscopy is about. Fluff. It’s all about image and perception in politics. Rather than vote for someone based on a record of public service and commitment to the meaningful issues of the day, wouldn’t you rather vote for someone who’s personality seems similar if only slightly more impressive then your own? Of course, we all would.