Vladimir Putin stole the election and I’m glad!
Yeah, you heard me, GLAD! Please, allow me to explain… A while back (and by that, I mean soooo long ago. This story has been sitting in drafts for a while..yeeeeah) Vladimir Putin almost certainly rigged the Russian presidential election so his floppy man-tits could have an extra eight years of blueberry-hill-singing, hymen-popping, journalist-killing good times in office. Election fraud is bad, certainly, but in this particular case I’m a little bit relieved. I’m not happy that a population of 14s million now live under a government they did not vote for, but I sure am fucking glad they didn’t vote for this: I’m glad he HAD to steal the election. You know what is almost offensive than Vladimir...
Read MoreHate Canadian Politics? Watch This Dude Watch Porn.
There are 14 more days until Canadians officially go to the polls. If Polonoscopy was a small business, then this time would be kind of like Christmas for me. Normally I’m just a humble purveyor of the most perverted political insights, with a small but loyal clientele. During election season it’s different; I get street traffic. Which is to say, I am a mysterious link people accidentally click on after they’ve preformed a Google search that’s far too broad, and I like it. This is why I’ve been so focused on the Canadian Election lately, so I can lure these lost children into my internet home, indoctrinate them with my views and hope they never escape. That’s just good business. For my...
Read MoreDemocracy or Bust: Rules For a Feel-Good Revolution
Congratulations Egypt. In all seriousness, I’m happy to see that Mumbarak bitch go. You should all take note, I hated him before it was cool. Proof. But this isn’t about me, and me being a wise sage, or my beautiful flaxen locks, this is about…. other people? Over the last two weeks, Egypt has not only unseated a tyrant and got on thier way to a hastily essembled democracy, but they have schooled the world on how to run a successful and entertaining revolution. Not every uprising works. I’ve looked at the last fifty-odd years of revolution, and you’d be surprised how many either ended in terrible bloodshed or lasted so long that people just kind of got bored and wandered off. So to all of you potential...
Read MoreBeelzebub
What do Vladimir Putin, Hugo Chavez and former Liberian President Charles Taylor all have in common? Besides being conceived in hellfire and born of pure evil, of course? One woman. Noami Campbell, you see, is a modern day Beelzebub. A devil’s familiar, if you will. She is a fly on a dungheap. A worm in a carcass. She sucks the very teet of evil, and it brings her strength. Twice now she has flaunted her sadistic ways to British GQ. First with Hugo Chavez, when Naomi first put on her journalist’s cap (double brim, Sherlock Holmes style, with strands of weave falling attractively below) in 2008. She took one sniff of him, and then she began to feed. First she asked Chavez if he would ever go topless, like Putin....
Read MoreMerry Christmas Everyone…
….I got you this picture of Vladimir Putin flipping a dude in a denim karate outfit. God bless us, everyone.
Read MoreMusic: The Refuge of Egomanical Political Sludge UPDATE!!
On Wednesday, I came across an article in the Toronto Star with that opened with this sentence: Stephen Harper as Mick Jagger? Naturally I could not finish the article right there, but after I ran to the washroom, heaved into the toilet bowl, spat a few times, flushed, blew my noise, walked to the grocery store, purchased a bottle of Gatorade, replaced the electrolytes in my body and took to my bed for several days, I managed to read the rest. Recently the Conservative Party of Canada held a Christmas party which the Rt. Honourable Stephen Harper chose to hijack with his fat, middle-aged insecurity. In an attempt to prove he’s “cool” and “normal” and “breathing” and not “a crusty scab of a human being” our PM had...
Read MoreAbout the Site
Polonoscopy is a site devoted to political fluff. While I do appreciate that there are important issues out there… with respect… eh… don’t really care. Not here anyway, not now, that is not what Polonoscopy is about. Fluff. It’s all about image and perception in politics. Rather than vote for someone based on a record of public service and commitment to the meaningful issues of the day, wouldn’t you rather vote for someone who’s personality seems similar if only slightly more impressive then your own? Of course, we all would.