This Man is Still Talking
To those of you who have been suffering from my long absence from the blogisphere (and yes – I do I hate myself for using that word), I’m back. I’ve returned not so much to write something interesting as to silently gaze upon the scorched earth that is our international political community and let a single tear escape from a very stoic eyeball… then I’m going to shrug it off and google photos of politicians with their flies undone. Feel free to just mail me my Pulitzer, I won’t have any time to go out and buy spanx. Besides learning that David Cameron has left-leaning policies in the pants department…. in my internet journeys I came across this article from German magazine DER SPIEGEL (yes, the...
Read MoreThe news has broken…
Only hours ago, an important chapter of international current affairs came to a dramatic close. After months of anticipation, it was finally confirmed that a small child has indeed clawed it’s way through, what I’m assuming was Carla Bruni’s surgically tightened vagina. Sarkozy has gone on the record briefly to say that they are “profoundly happy” about their daughter, even though they both previously went on the record to say that they wanted a boy, because they are classy like that. Bruni and Sarkozy are being surprisingly low key about the bitch, and newspapers the world over (a good article is here) are throwing out ideas as to why that may be. One theory is that Sarkozy reads his...
Read MoreSilvio Berlusconi Can’t Keep His Face Hole Shut….
… because he’s a human shit-stain. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Last week news outlets were reporting that Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi had been caught on tape saying something “unprintable” about German Councillor Angela Merkel. This came as a bit of a surprise to me because, well, is there anything we could learn about Silvio Berlusconi at this point that would be unprintable? His reputation in the media before this incident was basically – and I’m paraphrasing- fascist rapist mobster tyrant corrupt money-laundering John asshole, using state money to wet his herpes stick in 14 year old indentured prostitutes while controlling the media. I think the damage is out there. The...
Read MoreElection year? Unfreeze the Semen.
According to opinion polls, the 2012 election is beginning to look bleak for France’s impish ruler. It doesn’t seem to matter that Lagarde has been promoted to IMF chair, and that Strauss-Kahn is facing – yes, still facing – sexual assault charges, the French are over Sarkozy. They’re over his jogging misadventures, over his platform shoes, over his botoxed wife, they might even be over his penchant for fire-hosing immigrants out of Paris suburbs. The French seem to not give half a shit who becomes president, as long as it’s not Sarkozy. So Sarkozy has responded in the only way he understands – by showing the world what his penis can do. Years ago he bought himself a former supermodel to wear...
Read MoreSilvio Burlisconi Opens His Mouth Again
I…. I can’t. I can’t even…. Here’s the quote, courtesy of the Daily Mail. The Italian premier, 74, who is facing a charge of paying a 17-year-old for sex, cracked the lewd joke while being interviewed – before asking the crew not to report it. The billionaire tycoon was asked to recall the best manager to lead AC Milan, the Italian football club he is president of. He said: ‘Look I am getting old. This morning I was chasing my secretary to do her on the table and she said: “Prime Minister we only did it two hours ago.” So you see my memory is going.’ Berlusconi is then heard saying: ‘If you lot broadcast that then you are all a bunch of *****.’ Footage of his latest gaffe was screened on...
Read MoreSilvio’s Valentine
How did thousands of Italian women pleasure themselves this Valentine’s day? They went out to protest Silvio Burlisconi making a mockery of women! They said no more orgies! They railed aginst the underage prostitues! They decried the Bunga Bunga! As they should, right? Of course. I think there are very few people who would say that what these women ask is unreasonable, but one of those people will always be Silvio Burlisconi. While publicly the Italian Prime Minister has said that the protests are “disgusting” I would bet anyone 100 sweaty Euros that privately he’s used more colourful langauge. I bet he’s been saying that these women are a bunch of hairy lesbians, all in need of a good dicking, because...
Read MoreAbout the Site
Polonoscopy is a site devoted to political fluff. While I do appreciate that there are important issues out there… with respect… eh… don’t really care. Not here anyway, not now, that is not what Polonoscopy is about. Fluff. It’s all about image and perception in politics. Rather than vote for someone based on a record of public service and commitment to the meaningful issues of the day, wouldn’t you rather vote for someone who’s personality seems similar if only slightly more impressive then your own? Of course, we all would.