Best of 2011: Hugo Chavez is Totally Alive, You Guys
Even though I tried, my prose couldn’t really add to the magnificence of the Hugo Chavez workout video… so I won’t try again. Watch it again through this post.
Read MoreTone Up with Hugo
In case you hadn’t heard, Hugo Chavez has had a bit of a cancer issue for a while. I say “a bit of a cancer issue” like it’s nothing, because in my experience, communist dictators are a bit like roaches. They can survive nuclear explosions, assassination attempts, Naomi Campbell, and in the case of Fidel Castro, pooping into their own stomach. Dictators also fucking love working out… usually with cameras. So the next time you see Vladamir Putin thrust out his man-tits like they’re something special, please try to remember that Lincoln was puny, Churchill was feeble, and MacDonald puked up vodka on the regular. These are the real heroes. The president’s recovery time would have been a perfect...
Read MoreBeelzebub
What do Vladimir Putin, Hugo Chavez and former Liberian President Charles Taylor all have in common? Besides being conceived in hellfire and born of pure evil, of course? One woman. Noami Campbell, you see, is a modern day Beelzebub. A devil’s familiar, if you will. She is a fly on a dungheap. A worm in a carcass. She sucks the very teet of evil, and it brings her strength. Twice now she has flaunted her sadistic ways to British GQ. First with Hugo Chavez, when Naomi first put on her journalist’s cap (double brim, Sherlock Holmes style, with strands of weave falling attractively below) in 2008. She took one sniff of him, and then she began to feed. First she asked Chavez if he would ever go topless, like Putin....
Read MoreLula’s Medvedev
Ahhh!!!!!! FACE!!!!! Jesus. If Lula da Silva had to handpick a successor to keep his Brazilian throne warm in his constitutionally enforced years of exile, you’d think he’d do better than the High Empress of Demon Squirrels. He’s going to come back in four years and find her with the whole country stuffed inside her cheek pouches, waiting for the winter to come so she can finally masticate and digest!! But enough pleasantries… how fucking stupid is this situation? In what kind of a country does a President have 80% approval? In what kind of country can a dude be so popular, that the people will almost unanimously transfer their love to any wild eyed forest critter until the constitution allows him to run again...
Read MoreAbout the Site
Polonoscopy is a site devoted to political fluff. While I do appreciate that there are important issues out there… with respect… eh… don’t really care. Not here anyway, not now, that is not what Polonoscopy is about. Fluff. It’s all about image and perception in politics. Rather than vote for someone based on a record of public service and commitment to the meaningful issues of the day, wouldn’t you rather vote for someone who’s personality seems similar if only slightly more impressive then your own? Of course, we all would.