There is a Child
The spring of 2006 was an exciting time for me. I graduated from high school, I got accepted into university, my hair was starting to look less retarded and I discovered a pasta sauce that tasted just like butter… and then lost it forever. Yes it was a time of discovery and loss, and it was also the spring of Junichiro Kozumi. In the last four years, Japan has had at least three Prime Ministers and people are treating these short-lived regimes as some sort of long-standing Japanese political epidemic. Has it been so long? Have they already forgotten you, my mushroom-haired-manga-dreamboat? You who ruled for five consecutive, glorious years? How could they? You were the Prime Minister of the Future, what with your divorced...
Read MoreEat Like Your Prime Minister…. no no.. OUR Prime Minister. The Fat One.
Just in case you thought the mainstream Canadian press were finally crawling out of their cozy little nest deep within Stephan Harper’s colon, the Toronto Star published this article to add to the ongoing series of gush pieces entitled Conservative MPs: They’re Just Like Us…. in 1947…. Except We Live in Rural Alberta…. and Watch Lifetime….. While Eating Chicken Wings!!! This particular piece is about a swell new cookbook compiled by a gal with a lot of moxie, Conservative MP Lisa MacLoad. MacLoad was once lampooned by Warren Kinsella, who suggested that she would rather be baking cookies than running for MP with the boys. MacLoad was outraged on behalf professional women everywhere, and Kinsella...
Read MoreDavid and Samantha’s Little Curmudgeon
David Cameron, Britain’s newly elected Prime Minister, and his wife Samantha, who was, until recently, a purveyor of $800 pencils, had their baby a few weeks ago. If the British press is to be believed, this little miracle was wrought by the steadfast, Boudiccia-like courage of Mrs. Cameron, who managed through the shear power of love to bring a fresh and innocent soul into the world, possibly on a floating cloud of blue birds and angel kisses. If the British Press is to be ignored then I think we can all agree that Mr. Cameron went bareback one night, then nature took it’s hideous course and nine months later, his wife’s body pushed out a small human being. Or didn’t push… got heavily drugged and then slit...
Read MoreHow Is He Not Dead Yet?
In the last three weeks, the once-ailing Fidel Castro has made eight public appearances. For the last four years Castro’s colon has been has been so inflamed that intestinal fluid was dripping into his abdomen. Yet recently, he has managed, on eight different occasions, to pull on his hipster pajamas and spew on about the nuclear holocaust like it’s 1960 and the Cuban revolution hasn’t been reduced to a sticker on the bottom of every slack-jawed fourteen year-old’s skateboard. Castro supposedly suffers from Diverticulitis, an illness which is fatal to 90% of elderly patients. That he has managed to fall into the surviving 10% is some pretty clear proof that evolution favours nasty shit. Castro’s bounce back...
Read MoreSarah Palin and Glenn Beck are Hosting a Rally on Sept. 11th and I’m Scared
If you have not yet read the Michael Joseph Gross article in Vanity Fair, you really must. It’s eight pages long and claims to be investigative journalism, I know. The investigation, however, seems to be made up largely of disjointedness snippets from vague conversations and besides, it’s all about Sarah Palin. I know people who don’t have the attention span to make it through twenty-two minutes of South Park who can read 8 pages about Sarah Palin. I get it, she’s an easy obsession. She’s easy to get caught up in and hard to quit. You feel euphoric with news of her stupidity, and anxious at news of her success. There are feelings of irritability, sometimes aggression but at the same time we feel an...
Read MoreReading is Hard, Let Us Watch YouTube
A few YouTube summer political classics for your consumption. They were supposed to embed themselves into my post like a grown-up blog but… we’re not there yet. First, a subtle artistic rendition of a nuanced debate. Big ups to Liam for the link. of \"We\'ve Got to Stop the Mosque at Ground Zero\" Finally, a viral hit from the 2010 primaries. This video was been around for ages and I didn’t write about it before because I figured everyone had seen it on Colbert or some other show. Then I remembered, the Polonoscopy audience is heavily made up with a) foreigners b) people without televisions and c) people who don’t follow politics and just expect me to show them the (*cough*) important bits....
Read MoreAbout the Site
Polonoscopy is a site devoted to political fluff. While I do appreciate that there are important issues out there… with respect… eh… don’t really care. Not here anyway, not now, that is not what Polonoscopy is about. Fluff. It’s all about image and perception in politics. Rather than vote for someone based on a record of public service and commitment to the meaningful issues of the day, wouldn’t you rather vote for someone who’s personality seems similar if only slightly more impressive then your own? Of course, we all would.