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Too often our politicians are burdened with the expectation that they must be both effective and charming. It is a gross misplacement of our trust to belive that those who spend an hour everyday squwaking at each other in the House of Commons (or in any legislature, I’m sure Canadians aren’t uniquely privileged in that we have a squwalky government) can turn around and, in a light but well-tailored suit, make everyone at the garden party shed a tear about prostate cancer. Effective governance and eloquence simply don’t mix often enough, which is why I say: don’t bother. Split the roles up, have one person lead the government, make laws, work hard etc, and let the other make us all feel special and loved. Make one...
Read MoreAlberta Puts Its Neck in the Sun
Jeff Willerton This morning I did something I hoped I would never be reduced to. I actually bought and paid for a copy of MacLean‘s. It’s mortifying to admit and I know what you all must be thinking, I mean… if you’re in the denist office, yes, it’s just sitting there, and maybe if you’re in the checkout line at the grocery store, or you can always just flip through it and say you’re interested in looking at the outfits, but to buy the magazine, take it home and read it… well that means you are truly a victim of our generation’s sensationalized culture of superficiality. And of course I am. I have my excuses (I was tired and hungover and just wanted to turn my brain off and read...
Read MoreIgnatieff Swallows Canada’s Load… of Expectations
I have recently come to the realization that as someone who now writes a blog about Canadian politics, I really ought to start reading some blogs about Canadian politics. A cleverer person might have figured this out earlier in the game, but I’ve got it now and the experience has been very illuminating. Illuminating in the same way that I was illuminated this morning when I opened my green bin to find a good five hundred fruit flies jump at the chance to explore the rest of my kitchen after laying their larvae in my food rot. I was shocked, upset, fascinated, annoyed, holding my nose and spitting every so often. I don’t understand it. Right-wing or left-wing, they all hate Ignatieff. I hate everyone and I like Ignatieff. I...
Read MoreJack’s a Hack
Jack Layton is in the news again. Something about a name change for the New Democrats changing because they’re really not that new anymore. Does that really matter?? Does the province of Newfoundland sometimes wonder if they shouldn’t change their name to Foundland considering that it’s been well over 500 years since John Cabot caught his first cod off the coast of Cape Bonivista? But this matters not… the point is I finally have a reason to post something about Jack Layton. And that’s something to be happy about, because that man is a douche. Shall I start with what we all know and hate? The sloganeering, the constant sanctimony, the well-practiced tactic of looking straight into the camera at...
Read MoreHarper Blandly Goes Where Others Have Boldly Gone Before
In Canada, we are horribly starved for attention, and it’s particularly sad because we try so hard to be a good nation. We have clean streets and mountains and ethical workplaces and lots of parades for gay people. It seems we can do everything right only to be overlooked, until all of a sudden something truly worth overlooking pops into international cautiousness and we’re standing as the focus of vigorous moral debate, getting hit in the face by trade restrictions here and self-righteous indignation there and Paul McCartney hates us -hates us- now and we’re not sure what we did but pretty sure we’re not sorry and in the midst of all the noise one has to wonder, why? They’re just fucking seals...
Read MorePutin’s Moobs
After seeing this picture, I am quite comfortable admitting that my shreddies hit the wall… hard. Which was interesting considering that the milk dripped out of my nose so slowly. Here is Putin, stripped down and mounted in Siberia, out to prove that while he may no longer be the president, he still has the biggest cock in Russia. Also, he can feed triplets. I can almost hear the voice of Katherine Hepburn in the Lion in Winter. “I dressed my maids as Amazons and rode bare-breasted halfway to Damascus. Louis had a seizure and I damn near died of windburn… but the troops were dazzled!!!” Margaret Wente argues in yesterday’s globe that “a little political beefcake couldn’t hurt” in Canada....
Read MoreAbout the Site
Polonoscopy is a site devoted to political fluff. While I do appreciate that there are important issues out there… with respect… eh… don’t really care. Not here anyway, not now, that is not what Polonoscopy is about. Fluff. It’s all about image and perception in politics. Rather than vote for someone based on a record of public service and commitment to the meaningful issues of the day, wouldn’t you rather vote for someone who’s personality seems similar if only slightly more impressive then your own? Of course, we all would.