Silvio Burlisconi Opens His Mouth Again
I…. I can’t. I can’t even…. Here’s the quote, courtesy of the Daily Mail. The Italian premier, 74, who is facing a charge of paying a 17-year-old for sex, cracked the lewd joke while being interviewed – before asking the crew not to report it. The billionaire tycoon was asked to recall the best manager to lead AC Milan, the Italian football club he is president of. He said: ‘Look I am getting old. This morning I was chasing my secretary to do her on the table and she said: “Prime Minister we only did it two hours ago.” So you see my memory is going.’ Berlusconi is then heard saying: ‘If you lot broadcast that then you are all a bunch of *****.’ Footage of his latest gaffe was screened on...
Read MoreHate Canadian Politics? Watch This Dude Watch Porn.
There are 14 more days until Canadians officially go to the polls. If Polonoscopy was a small business, then this time would be kind of like Christmas for me. Normally I’m just a humble purveyor of the most perverted political insights, with a small but loyal clientele. During election season it’s different; I get street traffic. Which is to say, I am a mysterious link people accidentally click on after they’ve preformed a Google search that’s far too broad, and I like it. This is why I’ve been so focused on the Canadian Election lately, so I can lure these lost children into my internet home, indoctrinate them with my views and hope they never escape. That’s just good business. For my...
Read MoreThis Year’s Debate: Like Other Debates, but Newer
This week we were treated to two debates hosted by the always prudent, always fair, always viewer-oriented CBC. The stage was set with a geometric motif in yellow and grey, all held together by the massive orange maple leaf which consumed the centre of the floor, kicking you in the teeth with commercial patriotism. The theme was clear: The Future, circa 1973. Even the cameras played a role as they visibly chugged across the studio walls like George Jetson’s flying car. Also in the vein of 1973, the women were kindly asked to stay at home. The leaders were all costumed in their regular stage outfits. On both nights Ignatieff wore a nice-but-not-too-nice suit with the typical Liberal red tie, Gilles Duceppe wore whatever he found at...
Read MoreGrumble Grumble Grumble DEBATES
What is the hallmark of any democratic election process? ….. Casual slacks. After that, I’d probably say either wearing a hard hat to make a point about industry, or allowing some strange kid to wipe his nose on your sweater during a press conference. After that there is pretending to like immigrants in the city, while reminding people in the country that they are the only Real Canadians, then you’ve got Jr. hockey, then you need your barely literate attack ads and well… somewhere down the road you’re also going to have to have a debate. I know, it’s a bummer, but the people seem to expect it. You are, however, allowed to whine about it. No debate should ever just happen, the candidates should bitch...
Read MoreStephen Harper Wins…
…at throwing a hilariously stereotypical campaign. You know, the kind that features an awkward man overcompensating at being normal. Honestly, I thought it was going to be Ignatieff. After last summer’s handshakes and brewskies tour of Canada featuring ”call me Michael” holding cheap beer in a meticulously pressed plaid shirt, I thought he had it in the bag. But alas, Stephen Harper had to ride in on an ATV, the chosen stead of neo-cons, this years’s Sea Doo. Look at him. Isn’t he dashing? How long do you think he spent grappling with the helmet issue? “Now listen up staffers, I want to look family friendly- but also- bad ass. I specifically told photographers to shoot me from the eyes...
Read MoreBook Review: Best Laid Plans
In honour of our newly fallen government, it is time to review a book on Canadian politics. So I present to you: Best Laid Plans by Terry Fallis. This book is hot right now, and by hot I mean Canadian hot, so there’s a good chance you’ve never heard of it. The story behind the book is actually pretty cool. The author, Terry Fallis, couldn’t get his book published. He still thought the book was awesome, so figured he’d screw the publishing companies, and he recorded each chapter as a pod cast. When he got a good responce, he published it himself. A few years later it picked up an award and won the CBC’s annual Canada Reads contest. Now it has a sequel. Good for Terry Fallis, right? Good for him to...
Read MoreAbout the Site
Polonoscopy is a site devoted to political fluff. While I do appreciate that there are important issues out there… with respect… eh… don’t really care. Not here anyway, not now, that is not what Polonoscopy is about. Fluff. It’s all about image and perception in politics. Rather than vote for someone based on a record of public service and commitment to the meaningful issues of the day, wouldn’t you rather vote for someone who’s personality seems similar if only slightly more impressive then your own? Of course, we all would.