The Tyrant Wears Louboutins
Well, I have not been keeping up with the blog enough recently. I have, I’ll admit, been cheating with some other projects, but there is no excuse for leaving my dear readers without the ability to chortle at people much more powerful than them. I was beginning to miss the sound of my own wit. Is is whimsical or is it saucy? I don’t even know anymore! Lordy, where to start? Things certainly have been bustling along lately! Apparently the Libyans didn’t read my “Feel Good Revolution” post. Or maybe they did, I just forgot to add the part about making sure your tyrant isn’t so morally repugnant that he hires foreign mercenaries to murder his own people. That was a serious oversight,...
Read MoreWhy is Samantha Cameron a Thing?
Some people say that the world in 2011 is a cynical place. I’ll admit, people like to talk things like pollution and debt and all the funny places dangerous carcinogens might be hiding (don’t touch the lip balm!!) but overall, I really don’t think people are nearly as cynical as they should be. Recently, I’ve been on the Daily Mail website a lot (because… ya know… I’m a serious journalist) and I’ve been seeing four words clumped together in a combination of very awkward, somewhat alarming ways. “Samantha Cameron: Fashion Icon” . At first the title was pronounced with some trepidation. During and after the election, when she was in full bloom with PR baby, the headlines were...
Read MoreSilvio’s Valentine
How did thousands of Italian women pleasure themselves this Valentine’s day? They went out to protest Silvio Burlisconi making a mockery of women! They said no more orgies! They railed aginst the underage prostitues! They decried the Bunga Bunga! As they should, right? Of course. I think there are very few people who would say that what these women ask is unreasonable, but one of those people will always be Silvio Burlisconi. While publicly the Italian Prime Minister has said that the protests are “disgusting” I would bet anyone 100 sweaty Euros that privately he’s used more colourful langauge. I bet he’s been saying that these women are a bunch of hairy lesbians, all in need of a good dicking, because...
Read MoreDemocracy or Bust: Rules For a Feel-Good Revolution
Congratulations Egypt. In all seriousness, I’m happy to see that Mumbarak bitch go. You should all take note, I hated him before it was cool. Proof. But this isn’t about me, and me being a wise sage, or my beautiful flaxen locks, this is about…. other people? Over the last two weeks, Egypt has not only unseated a tyrant and got on thier way to a hastily essembled democracy, but they have schooled the world on how to run a successful and entertaining revolution. Not every uprising works. I’ve looked at the last fifty-odd years of revolution, and you’d be surprised how many either ended in terrible bloodshed or lasted so long that people just kind of got bored and wandered off. So to all of you potential...
Read MoreBeelzebub
What do Vladimir Putin, Hugo Chavez and former Liberian President Charles Taylor all have in common? Besides being conceived in hellfire and born of pure evil, of course? One woman. Noami Campbell, you see, is a modern day Beelzebub. A devil’s familiar, if you will. She is a fly on a dungheap. A worm in a carcass. She sucks the very teet of evil, and it brings her strength. Twice now she has flaunted her sadistic ways to British GQ. First with Hugo Chavez, when Naomi first put on her journalist’s cap (double brim, Sherlock Holmes style, with strands of weave falling attractively below) in 2008. She took one sniff of him, and then she began to feed. First she asked Chavez if he would ever go topless, like Putin....
Read MoreAAHHHHH PUPPIES!!!!!
So nothing has happened in politics recently (well, obviously something happened, but I mean nothing good). Parliaments and Congresses and Diets around the world are still on their extended holidays and everyone is trying to make a virtue of sitting in Tim Hortons (or Dunkin’ Donuts, or Costa Coffee or whatever brand of weak, barely roasted, over-caffeinated sludge your nation proudly embraces as a unique part or their culture) chatting with the locals. I use the word “chatting” lightly, in a way that really means, blowing smoke up your own ass while the next guy tries to get a word in edgewise and then patting yourself on the back for the meaningful connection you just made. Jack Layton knows what I’m talking...
Read MoreAbout the Site
Polonoscopy is a site devoted to political fluff. While I do appreciate that there are important issues out there… with respect… eh… don’t really care. Not here anyway, not now, that is not what Polonoscopy is about. Fluff. It’s all about image and perception in politics. Rather than vote for someone based on a record of public service and commitment to the meaningful issues of the day, wouldn’t you rather vote for someone who’s personality seems similar if only slightly more impressive then your own? Of course, we all would.