I Bring You Gifts From the Internet
I enjoy American politics as much as the next person. I do, I enjoy their sensationalist news channels and their fake populist movements, and I enjoy that Christine O’Donnell has publicly campaigned against masturbation because according to her it’s the root of all evil, but in this picture, she is clearly encouraging whomever is working the remote on her vibrating panties. I think it’s all good fun, really I do, but clearly I don’t enjoy it as much some people. Americans have some kind of national election once every two years. Once every two years, that’s three times as often as the French. Get over it already! Is there not enough news in the world that American news networks need to spend 12-18 months...
Read MoreFun With Photoshop
On July 16, 1966, a time when infighting within the Communist Party of China was at it’s height, after the disaster of the Great Leap Forward, the People’s Daily released a photo of Chairman Mao swimming the Yangtze River. The photo was taken to prove that Mao was still a youthful and vigorous leader, capable of feats of strength even at age 72. Never the type to quit while they’re ahead, along with the photograph the People’s Daily reported that the rotund Chairman swam nearly 15 km in 65 minutes, which would have been a world record pace at the time. Now, Mao was known to be quite the swimmer in his youth, no one would argue with that, but that photo next to that inflated distance was just too much for some...
Read MoreHow to Not Get Shot in Russia
A few summers ago, I worked as a hostess/bus bitch at an upscale bar on Queen’s Quay. It wasn’t the worst, actually. Every night I had the privilege of watching Euro tourists enjoy a $15 martini while unbuttoning thier shirts just enough give the ladies a glimpse of thier belly buttons. If you must get a job picking up crusty martini glasses you might as well be wiping Chanel lipstick off your fingers, while some guy with a chin strap blows shisha in your face and tries to bribe you into giving his lycra-clad girlfriend a table closer to the lake. While I do want to give honourable mention to the Bulgarians, the Romanians, and inhabitants of the Balkins in general, no one was as fun to watch as the Russians. This is for two...
Read MoreLula’s Medvedev
Ahhh!!!!!! FACE!!!!! Jesus. If Lula da Silva had to handpick a successor to keep his Brazilian throne warm in his constitutionally enforced years of exile, you’d think he’d do better than the High Empress of Demon Squirrels. He’s going to come back in four years and find her with the whole country stuffed inside her cheek pouches, waiting for the winter to come so she can finally masticate and digest!! But enough pleasantries… how fucking stupid is this situation? In what kind of a country does a President have 80% approval? In what kind of country can a dude be so popular, that the people will almost unanimously transfer their love to any wild eyed forest critter until the constitution allows him to run again...
Read MoreBig Berlusconi’s Big Whoreless Birthday
When Silvio Berlusconi turned 73, he had a grand party in the Palazzo Grazioli which was attended by all of Rome’s finest. This included it’s finest prostitutes. When one such lady claimed she was paid 10,000 Euro to spend the night with Berlusconi, everyone suddenly started to pay attention and wonder if their Prime Minister was actually paying for sex and, you know, committing a crime and all that. Now Berlusconi loves to brag about the ladies who bang him for jewelry, he talks about those bitches all the time, but he was a bit peeved when people started talking about ones who go there for straight cash. While Berlusconi’s instinct is to just make the people stop taking, it seems a wise handler has finally put on his...
Read MoreShe’s Beauty and She’s Grace
She is Miss…Cameroon! See how Michelle Obama stares into the sun like that, nearly crying at the sight of such radiance. But Ms Biya simply smiles back at her, the arch of her eyebrows whisper… it’s alright my child This photo comes from another of the eternally popular First Ladies-enjoy-the-countryside-while-the men-talk -politics/somebody-think-of-the-PRODUCE!! luncheons. this one was held in upstate New York, where the veggies were so fresh and organic the wives picked potato bugs out of their teeth, and the countryside so beautiful, that only the red halo of one Ms. Chantel Biya could cast a shadow on its loveliness. They say that the sheep cried out at the sight of her, and tore off their own coats in shame at...
Read MoreAbout the Site
Polonoscopy is a site devoted to political fluff. While I do appreciate that there are important issues out there… with respect… eh… don’t really care. Not here anyway, not now, that is not what Polonoscopy is about. Fluff. It’s all about image and perception in politics. Rather than vote for someone based on a record of public service and commitment to the meaningful issues of the day, wouldn’t you rather vote for someone who’s personality seems similar if only slightly more impressive then your own? Of course, we all would.